A WEEK IN HISTORY

One of my least favorite things to do is cross the road.

This time last year, I was hit by a vehicle and broke my hip and one of my legs. I was in the hospital for some weeks, and also had to spend a few months at home.

HOSPITAL

The first thing I remember is pain: the worst pain I had felt in my life, when a doctor worked to immobilize my broken leg. Later, my sister told me she had never heard me scream that way, and I don’t even recall screaming. It was mostly a painful blur.

The first days were filled with so much uncertainty. I remember there were times when it seemed like the terror and pain would suffocate me. I tried to keep it together those first days. Then I was told I’d have to be admitted in the hospital for at least six weeks and that I would need surgery and I started to cry. I just wanted to go home.

My first morning on the ward, someone tried to get us all to sing and have a ‘morning devotion’. I cannot walk and you people want me to be singing? At 7am. Please you people should leave me alone.

For a couple of weeks the major emotion I felt was anger. A lot of that anger was towards God, but I surely had enough to spare for people.

Some of my friends didn’t come to see me for a while, and when they eventually showed up, I delivered an Oscar worthy performance, gave them a piece of my mind, while playing the guilt card heavily. It was nothing short of dramatic, and I surprised even myself. I was on a number of painkillers so that might have enhanced my performance. Till this day I have no regrets about any of it.

HOME

The first time I got on my feet, in a walking cast, was six weeks after. As I took the first few steps, I was hit by such a wave of dizziness that I started to fall and could barely breathe. I remember my mom saying prayers over me then, and now that I think about it, all I can do is smile and maybe cry a little. Thank God I can smile about that now.

HEALING

I got back on my feet and resumed school, and for a while I couldn’t take public transport or cross the road, because I would start to panic as it seemed every vehicle was headed my way. I talked to someone who helped me through it. Emotional healing would be even slower and I had to let it take its time. The panic I felt was part of the process and I would get through it.

HERE NOW

Needless to say, this past week was intense and emotional as many scenes from last year came reeling through my mind. I didn’t want to leave my room, all I wanted to do was stay under my bed covers. I had to keep my mind occupied constantly as it wandered at the slightest chance.

My heart skips when I’m in a car and the brakes are hit too fast or there’s a sudden swerve. I prefer the backseat because that way I can’t really see what is going on. Sometimes the thought of it all comes rushing and instead of suppressing it, I let it pass through me and give way to the thought of other things, things I have learnt.

I have learnt to feel fear but also to never let it overstay. I have learnt to be gentle with myself. I have learnt to refuse the urge to succumb to bad memories. I have learnt to simply allow the thoughts of things I love linger.

Thunderstorms.

Road trips.

Falling in love.

Theme music.

I have heard and seen that I never walk alone. Never once.

I promised myself that once I got out of the hospital I would do things I’ve been reluctant to do, like tint my hair and learn how to swim, and also to just be present.

I have learnt how to swim, but I haven’t gotten around to the hair yet. Now, if I’m walking and Bastille’s Pompeii comes on, I will most likely start to dance because that song is my jam, and how could I not dance to my jam?

I also do this tiny scream whenever I cross the road, it’s some kind of coping mechanism. I have an habit of taking pictures of my legs too.

So, one of these days you might see a girl.

You might see a girl move to the music as she walks.

She might cross the road funny.

She might have tinted hair.

She might be me.

22 thoughts on “A WEEK IN HISTORY

  1. awwww…you definitely do not walk alone girl…I’ve seen real miracles happen in your life so many times that I’m too sure.love you babe

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  2. I definitely look forward to seeing the Little Tinted Dancing Girl.
    I am so proud of your growth, and your strength inspires. You will keep prancing into God’s glory as long as I know you.

    Great piece!

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      1. Yes, I can remember you giving me a rehearsal of how you would lash out on people who didn’t reach out then. Those facial reactions were……. Thank God all that pain is the past now.

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  3. Girrrrrlll!! i’m free from that too! got home last week. i was very angry on the first day of the devotion. honestly in my mind I was just swearing and cursing. Thank God that’s over. maybe i’ll make a post about my experience too…soon enough.

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  4. The scream was loud as hell…
    Oh yes there was enough people to vent the anger on👀👀…Thank in all,that we can smile now while remembering 🙂
    I really love this helps me know how to relive those memories and know what to take and leave .I felt it all the way

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  5. Quite a great deal you passed through. It must have been tough! We thank God for the rapid healing.

    Don’t stop writing. We won’t stop reading🙂

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